what might have been

i know i am supposed to be learning to live with the pain.. blah blah blah, but, all of a sudden, i am so angry! i am mad that i have been cheated out of our future together. i am mad that i am single again. i am mad that there is no one here to hold me whan i cry. i am mad at sue and that makes me mad at myself. it is this nasty cycle that i cannot get out of. i feel like i should be passed this now. grr. once again. grief sucks.

last week

ok... i finally have the courage to put this out there for you guys to see. Last Sat night i overdosed on sleeping pills. yes, it was intentional. i just wanted to see Sue so badly. i don't want to leave this life, but it seems so unnatural with her missing. i was in the hospital for several days in a behavioral unit. aka psych ward. i apparently shaved my head sometime Sunday morning. i have no recollection of it. i am ok now... so don't worry! i was just stupid and selfish for a bit. i am over it now.

love you guys
SD