What a difference a few days can make!

I have talked to my Dean and I will be starting classes Sept 2! I will have to miss a couple of classes week two for my surgery, but i am in school!

I was out tonight for a bit and was hit on by a really cute girl about my age. I am no where near being ready for a relationship... or even a date, but it was nice. A lil boost to the ego.

SD

Staring

I have spent the better part of the last 48 hrs sitting on the couch staring at Sue's recliner. No lights... just staring. I see her there laughing, crying, screaming in frustration and I am doing the same. I am letting her go and it hurts like hell. I want to call friends, to reach out, but I can't stop crying long enough to actually talk. I know I have to go through this. I know it's part of moving on, but man it sucks.

at least it isn't raining...

Tears

I really miss Sue today. I can't stop crying. My mom leaves tomorrow and my life alone oficially begins. I don't mean friendless alone, but partnerless alone.

Firsts

I just made my first car payment with out Sue's account. Just celebrated my first national holiday with out her. Cleaned out the dresser of stuff I know I will never use again, with out her telling me that I have to keep it.

And, it hit me today... she is never coming home. SHe is not on a vacation, she is not in the hospital, she has moved on. I am happy for her. I know how limited she was in her current body, but it SUCKS being left behind.

I am still not totally over hoping that these tumors are malignant. I know that is the grief talking, it's not what she would want, blah blah. I just don't know if it is humanly possible to get over this pain. Half of my soul is gone.

AND I AM OUT OF CIGS DAMN IT!


SD

Just the facts mam

I am really trying to keep my personal feelings out of Sue's page. The truth is I am crumbling inside. It has been 5 days since I have heard my angel's voice, her laugh, seen that adorable dimple when she smiles. I miss my best friend more that words can express.

Even at our lowest points we never went more than a couple of days with out talking.

I am praying that this ex-tubation works. I have signed all of the paperwork to ensure no trach, no permanent feeding tube, she is DNR. No paddles, no compressions, no chemical stimulus. I know it is what she wants, and it kills me to think of her suffering. I am giving her the tools she needs to start to heal. After that, its up to her and what she is ready to fight for...

I am ending this mid thought because sleep meds just kicked in.

talk to you all soon!

oh yeah, i have masses in my thyroid. found that out today. Whoo hoo!

THurs 2:56 am

Sue has been put on the list to begin her skin grafts this morning.

She is unrecognizable at this point. THe Dr talked me through the many surgeries she is going to have to have. After shedding many tears I signed the DNR and refused a trachea tube and feeding tube. SHe currently has a tube going precariously down her nose. This has honestly been the longest day of my life.

Please keep those prayers coming.

Lesli

Sue

Sue snuck out on the front porch today while I was doing dishes. I heard her screaming and ran out to see what had happened. She lit a cigarette and caught her shirt on fire. She has 3rd degree burns on 14% of her body, including her chest, mouth, and nose. She was taken, by life flight, to Massachusetts General Hospital. Please keep her in your prayers. I will have my cell on me, but am not sure if I will get reception at the hospital. I am also not sure if I will have internet access there.

Thank you in advance for your support.

Les