Ponderence

I was flipping to Psalms 139 to read some verses my new councelor gave me. I landed in 149 and something caught my eye. The first verse says Sing His praise in the meeting of His people. I cannot help but reflect on all of the new friends I have made through the church and what a support they have been to me. I asked, well begged, for friends. In the matter of a couple of weeks I have a new inner circle of people HERE. I hope you all know that I value everything you have done and are doing for me. But, I think we can all agree that a local support system is crucial. I have that now.

I wrote an email today that was so deeply honest that tears were pouring down my face as I typed. It needed to be said to someone. I think I chose wisely. I guess I will see. I will get to a point where I share it here, but I am still afraid of the ramifications of it.

I am also scared of losing some of you as I regain my faith. Once again, I guess time will tell.

One of the major things I am working on is getting rid of the image of Sue in flames. It haunts me daily. I am actively trying to visualize her at peace and free from her corporeal form when these images come into my head. It is helping.

I skipped the granny club today (that's what I call my bereavment group). I just couldn't do it. Today had already been so emotional. God is doing some major work in my life and I can only take so much in one day. Stupid emotions! : )

Anyway... things are good... profoundly good. Well, no... they suck. It's like cleaning out a closet. you have to pull out everything to get rid of the junk. I am at the point where everything is scattered on the floor and I am starting to go through it. I see the progress so that is good. The floor is covered in junk and that sucks. Make sense?

OHHHH... I got a green light on the project I was talking about. Well a green light to work on the next step. I want to direct a production of Godspell here to benefit the homeless organization that Sue worked with. Ideally, we will open the weekend of the anniversary of her death. I think it would be a cool way to honor her memory. Basically, the pastor and elders need to read the script and make sure it is doctrinly sound. I have a copy coming in the mail. I will need to do a quick re-read through to make any cuts that I see before handing it over.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers (or hug whatever you hug...Michael go find that wombat again...) as I continue this transition.

sd